I’ve heard of “self help” but surely this “help yourself” sign at Glasgow Airport is taking things a bit far? At least you know you’re on your own…
Help yourself
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Tag Archives: sign
Less of that, ASDA
ASDA has raised the bar on the classic checkout clanger. Not content with using “less” rather than “fewer”, it has imposed a strict item limit of “about 20”. Who’s counting?
Only at Luton Airport
Here’s another example of a misplaced “only” messing up the meaning of an important-looking sign.
The photo was taken in a public area of Luton Airport. As a departing passenger, I was evidently in the wrong place, because the sign required “Passengers Only Beyond This Point” and I was not beyond that point.
What they really meant was “Only Passengers Beyond This Point”. For greater ease and accuracy, they could have simply written two words: “Passengers Only”.
Bizarre Bournemouth
I stayed in Bournemouth recently for my Stag Weekend. We had a great time, and as an extra bonus I spied a handful of delightful little idiosyncrasies in our hotel.
“Anemergency” – the missing space inverts the meaning (like aerobic vs anaerobic), so when there is no emergency (i.e. under normal circumstances) people should sound the alarm in the lift?
"anemergency" - situation normal?
“Break Glass For Key” – but where is the key?
The key; the secret?
Fire Exit Upstairs? Does it really make sense to install a fire exit sign on a 2nd floor hallway door that opens, swapping the meaning from “down” to “up”?
Up and away - from the 2nd floor?
Dogs must be carried
London Underground sign: Dogs must be carried
It’s an oldie, but a goodie; the sign at the entrance to escalators on the tube, saying “Dogs must be carried”. Seldom do I see anyone carrying a dog, but I do see lots of dogless travellers using escalators. So, either most people are flouting the rule, or the sign is barking. Obviously it’s the latter. But what *should* the sign say,to convey its real meaning (if you are travelling with a dog, carry it on the escalator to prevent injury), ideally in fewer words?
- “Any dogs must be carried” – Maybe a little better – but it’s longer.
- “Carry your dog” – Not quite. What if your dog is at home, or you’re travelling with a dog that’s not yours?
- “Carry any dogs” – Better, but you should really only carry your own dog.
- “Dog? Carry it” – Almost – but any literate dogs reading the sign would be thoroughly confused!
- “Carry dogs” – Two words, active voice. At least as good as the original. Works for me.
Other suggestions welcome in the comments.
Update 23/7/2010: A timely article in today’s Metro about Batman – the reading greyhound. Also you can find lots more reading dogs here.
Only at King’s Cross?
As my train pulled into King’s Cross, I spotted a serious-looking sign bearing the edict:
Electric Trains Only To Access Platform 0
A couple of questions struck me:
- Is King’s Cross the only station with a Platform 0?
- Why was my electric train (like many others) NOT pulling into Platform 0, disobeying the serious-looking sign?
It turns out there are other UK stations with a Platform 0: Edinburgh Haymarket and Cardiff Central at least. But I’m fairly sure King’s Cross is the only station with a Platform 0 AND a sign for Platform 9 3/4.
As for disobeying the serious-looking sign, I reckon the train driver was right to ignore the Ministry of Signs’ half-baked wording. Since Platform 0 is more enclosed than the other platforms, station management probably want to avoid pollution/fumes (e.g. from diesel trains) building up in the confined space. So, they want to restrict Platform 0 for use by electric trains only, but not prevent electric trains from using the other platforms. Sadly, the Ministry’s carelessly placed “only” fluffs both intentions.
A simple “Platform 0: Electric Trains Only” would have sufficed. But the Ministry ambiguated, consigning the poor placard to an enigmatic existence.
Today’s wordsmithing lesson inspired by the Ministry of Signs:
Say what you mean, then check you mean what you say!
Update 29/06/2010: Stockport also has a Platform 0 (thanks Oli!)
